let’s talk about change

“We all change when you think about it.

We are all different people, all through our lives.

And that’s okay, that’s good.

You got to keep moving.

So long as you remember all the people that you used to be.”

– Doctor Who-

 

I’m going through a massive change in my life. I’ve just turned 21 and my ideas are different, my personality is different, and my aesthetic is different. However, I’m still me. I’ve been so many different people in my life that sometimes it feels redundant for me to say this. But people change. Everyone does.

Doctor Who is a perfect and physically clear example of this change. If you haven’t watched the show; Doctor Who is an alien from a dead planet called Gallifrey, who looks human, can travel in time and space in a phone booth called a TARDIS, and has two hearts. These three things will never change about him, but because he is an alien he has a special power. Whenever he is hurt or dies he regenerates as a different person. He’s still himself with all of his memories intact but his personality changes, his morals, and most importantly his genetic features. Basically, the actor playing his character is replaced with a new actor.

I’ve always related to this aspect of the television show because I feel like in my lifetime I have grown and changed so much as a person. I’ve held so many different faces and so many different experiences, and every time I feel like it’s the last time I learn something new and I change. This change is usually scary because I sometimes worry if I’ll have the same friends or if the people who liked me before will like me again. I worry about that untitled page and wonder if it will hold good or bad for me. This change is also exciting with a new look and a new perspective and so many things to explore.

What has happened recently is mostly due to my age. Turning 21 brings on a lot of new things. I’m looking forward to graduating from university and possibly starting a new career. Love and relationships are different for me now and more committable. I’m an adult with bills to pay and responsibilities. As soon as I walked into my first bar I reverted inside. I didn’t feel confident and I immediately began to create fantasies and distractions to escape this terribly real world that was suddenly in my hands. Instead of concentrating on myself I began to concentrate on other people and I started building fantasies about them. I began to grow nostalgic. All of this, in turn, resulted in disappointment and a loss of control. Luckily it didn’t get too out of hand. I recently just got a kick in the face with a major disappointment and I’m ready now to be 21. I’m ready to embrace this age and face the realities life is giving me to attempt to figure out.

This is, of course, scary because I’ve never walked down this road and I just lost a very close friend of mine who was there for me for a very long time. This is okay, though. They weren’t ready for this change in my life. I have a handful of new friends now and my family is still close to me. I have a winter intermission to think about life and what I want out of it. I am going to read, eat, drink, laugh, love, and dance. I am going to tread through these new waters and experience the new experiences this chapter has to offer me.

Don’t ever be afraid to let go of the past and start anew. You don’t have to disregard who you once were or throw it away. That person is still you, just matured with new experiences, like a fine wine. It’s time to make something of yourself and start a change because without change there is no forgiveness of mistakes and there is no future. Embrace it, follow it and be it.

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